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CLEARANCE, CLARENCE Wednesday, October 15
In Londonderry, Northern Ireland, in August, Kevin Clarence, 20, was arrested for an inept attempt to rob a supermarket. He entered the store, and only then, according to witnesses, put a plastic garbage bag over his head and decided to wait in line for his opportunity to address a cashier. He quickly got tired of waiting and said, “I’ll be back,” but was caught by police minutes after leaving the store.
WAIT ... WHAT? Wednesday, August 20
In Multnomah County, Oregon, in July, a Romanian princess pleaded guilty to cockfighting. Irina Walker, 61, was born in Switzerland where her father, King Michael I, lived after abdicating the throne. She came to Oregon in 1983, where, in a second …
TO THE MOON, ALICE! Wednesday, October 15
Among the suggestions of the Brisbane, Australia, company Pets Eternal for honoring a deceased pet (made to a reporter in September): keeping a whisker or tooth or lock of hair, or having the remains made into jewelry or mixed with ink to make a tattoo. Overlooked was a new project by the Houston space-flight company Celestis, known for blasting human ashes into orbit (most famously those of Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry). Celestis, working with a California company, will soon offer to shoot pets’ remains into orbit ($995) or perhaps even to the moon ($12,000).
SOLUTIONS TO NON-PROBLEMS Wednesday, August 20
Chung-Ang University in South Korea announced in April that its traditional-sport Department of Sport Science would begin accepting — as legitimate "student athletes" — video gamers.
WHO KNEW? Wednesday, August 20
Researchers from England's University of Lincoln revealed in July that red-footed tortoises are not only "inquisitive" but make decisions in their brain's "medial cortex" region, associated with "complex cognitive behavior" (because they have no …
IF I WERE KING Wednesday, October 15
Ontario’s top court rejected Bryan Teskey’s complaint in August over how Roman Catholics continue to be discriminated against by the laws of British royal succession. Even though Ontario (along with many Commonwealth countries) recently removed some aspects of bias (ending the ban on the royal family’s marrying Catholics), Teskey pointed out that Canadian Catholics still don’t have a fair shot at becoming king or queen (though Teskey did not claim that he, personally, had been a candidate).
WE GOTTA GET OUTTA THIS PLACE Wednesday, August 20
In July, officials at Djanogly City Academy in Nottingham, England, broke up an attempt by five students (ages 11-14) attending a daytime-locked-down school to escape by tunneling under a security fence. They discovered the boys' metal cutlery …
SORRY … I LOST MY HEAD Wednesday, August 20
In a deadly ending reminiscent of scenes in several crime movies, a 22-year-old man fleeing police in Brooklyn, New York, in June crashed his car at a high speed into the back of a flatbed truck and was decapitated as the body of the car (but not …
NAMES IN THE NEWS Wednesday, October 15
One of the three suspects in an August arrest for making fraudulent purchases at a Jupiter, Florida, shop: Ms. Cherries Waffles Tennis, 19. The president of the Alabama Public Service Commission (who invoked prayer in July as the most effective way to fight federal restrictions on coal-fired power plants): Ms. Twinkle Andress Cavanaugh. The investigator for the Ohio state auditor’s office who was ordered by his supervisor in July to end a romantic relationship with another government official: Jim Longerbone.
NOT READY FOR PRIME TIME Wednesday, August 20
A 40-year-old man (not named by the Seattle Post-Intelligencer) was arrested there on July 31 after a several-hour, epically inept, crime spree. Attempting to rob a restaurant, he was turned down by employees and customers, then turned down by two …
 
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