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7 Things that are More Useless than the Skyway

Twenty-six years after its opening, the Skyway still doesn’t give most Jacksonvillians a reason to take the pulse-pounding, 2.5-mile ride, which one infrequent rider describes as “like a kiddie ride at Disneyland, except it smells like piss.”

No matter your opinion of the decades-old, semi-abandoned public transportation system that streaks across the river like a crumbling concrete caterpillar, there’s no denying that the Skyway has yet to fulfill its designated purpose: getting people to ride the slow-moving yet somehow terrifying passenger compartments across the St. Johns. But the view is nice.

Tellingly, not even Downtown’s lumbering evolution from an abandoned dystopia to a less-abandoned dystopia (or the fact that it’s free to ride) have had much of an impact on Skyway ridership. (And that’s counting the homeless.) Only One Spark, may she rest in peace (?), was able to accomplish that sick feat. All of this stems from the facts that the vast majority of us do not live along Skyway’s route and Downtown is flush with parking spaces, no matter what the pseudo-suburbanites who seldom leave the Southside say.

To be fair, one rare employed, regular Skyway rider resents the foregoing description, saying somewhat ironically, “For people like me and Lenny Curry, who live in San Marco and work Downtown, the Skyway is great.”

While we’re super sure that’s true – super-duper sure – here are some things that are more useless than even the Skyway:

1. Tim Tebow’s Throwing Arm

Sorry, Gator Nation. The Tebow’s goose is cooked. He’s super-cute on TV, though! And we hear his restaurant … serves food.

2. The Spines of (Most) Local Democratic Leaders

It could be scoliosis or it could just be the party bending over and taking it again and again and again and … you get the point.

3. Donald Trump’s Media Consultant

Unless an …   More


The Power Meter


The U.S. Supreme Court will hear arguments this week that could reshape the way defendants are sentenced to death. Currently, juries act as merely an advisory board to judges who decide whether or not to issue the death penalty. The lawyers for a Pensacola man who was convicted of murder and sentenced to death by a judge, after a jury ruled 7-5 in favor of execution, are challenging the state’s procedures, which may inevitably do away with the death penalty in Florida and cement FLORIDA MAN’S immortality. Former State Attorney Harry Shorstein, in an effort to save the time-honored execution tradition, is currently trying to push legislation through that requires a majority vote for death penalty sentences.












Six Ways to Keep the Baby Pimp Hand Strong

Another day, another resignation demanded by our illustrious mayor, “Baby Pimp” Lenny Curry (don’t blame us for the nickname, blame the ‘Comments’ section of Seems like just last week we were lamenting Baby Pimp’s sudden, frequent urge to consolidate power on the Planning Commission by demanding resignations from three of its nine members. Today it’s JEA, tomorrow, utter world domination!

Fun fact: Given that two other Planning Commissioners’ terms expired on Sept. 30, had all three caved to le Infant Pimpous’ demands, the mayor would have appointed — and still may, if City Council purges Lisa King and Joey McKinnon — a quorum of the Planning Commission.

Funner fact: A source (seemingly) intimately familiar with the mayor says the remaining four commissioners are in the political safe zone for being “willing to play ball” … Baby Pimp ball. (Read: Play with whatever balls the mayor throws them in whatever fashion the mayor tells them.)

But what could possibly be wrong with a first-term politician controlling the Planning Commission, JEA, Jacksonville Aviation Authority, Jacksonville Transportation Authority, Downtown Investment Authority, City Council, Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office, the school board, the sun, the sea and the sky? He’s got to keep the pimp hand strong, are we right? And we did elect him, didn’t we? By a landslide margin of 5,273, no less!

That Curry convinced a staggering 0.63 percent more of the city’s population that he’d make a less-bad mayor than Alvin “don’t call me a Republican, I’m just fiscally conservative and socially conservative and pro-business and weak on environmental issues” Brown, is reason enough to give the new mayor carte blanche.

Here’s a short list of other power brokers who don’t share the mayor’s glorious vision and therefore shall …   More


In honor of the fall season, we offer you The Fall.







Folio Digital


Folio Weekly’s hip. We’re with it. We know all the cool shit: hashtags, selfies, cuss words, ironic Donald Trump hats, fanny packs, monocles, embedded links, (admittedly, we may be ahead of the curve on the monocles and fannie pacs).

Though we know the trends, and our slang may be #onfleek, we can’t pretend to know the inner-workings of the minds of those with whom the media seems to be the most obsessed: The Millennials.

In an effort to do just that -- and encourage the curiousity of some talented, young writers (hey, we care) -- over the course of the next few weeks, Folio Weekly will be turning over the keys to our Twitter (it’s the social media version of a 1992 Buick) to some promising University of North Florida journalism students.

With election season heating up, a Human Rights Ordninance looming locally, and controversy over firearms on campus weighing heavy on the hearts of many across the nation, these young journos will be live-tweeting from some of the most important events of the fall. They’ll be sharing their perspective in effort to engage Folio Weekly’s readership/followers. So, follow us on Twitter ( if you ain’t hip to embedded links) to see what they’re up to. Ask them questions, challenge their views, share your perspective, feed off their youthful energy, take note of their grasp of current hashtagging techniques, but, please, keep it civil.

Matthew B. Shaw



Use the list below to stay up to date on where they’ll be next.

-Oct. 3 – River City Pride Parade and block Party (starting at 1 p.m.)

-Oct. 12  - OneJax panel discussion. Civil Discourse on Gun Control 

-Oct. 13 – Jax For Bernie Democratic debate watch party at 1904 Music Hall 

-Oct. 13 – Democratic Presidential Debate watch party TBD 

-Oct. 20 – Beaches Democratic Club candidate supporters panel from the Neptune Beach …   More



In celebration of Dr. John & The Nite Trippers performance at Ponte Vedra Concert Hall on Oct. 4, we are serving up five hits of his boss hoodoo.




"I Walk On Guilded Splinters"

"Right Place Wrong Time"

"Such a Night"

"Blow Wind Blow"



The Power Meter

POWER UP: Curry's Budget Proposal

Whether you feel the Lenny Curry’s recent attempts at purging potential opponents from high ranking board positions is business as usual for a party boss, or not, on Monday, Sept. 14, the new city council approved the Mayor’s $1.1 billion budget, and did so unanimously.

NEXT: You Don’t Have to Go Home, but You Can’t Stay Here >>>   More



Sometimes, you show up, punch the clock and deliver an amazing performance.

Your boss might be a sexist pig stuck in the ‘70s. Or, a crew member working the soundboard might be slow in flipping on your mic.

Either way, the conditions aren’t perfect.

But you’re a star in 9 to 5: The Musical, you’ve brought your A-Game — despite some technical snafus — and (memo to Alhambra Theatre & Dining ownership) you deserve a raise.

Actresses Kelsey Denae, Zoe Kassay and Juliana Davis carry this production, which opens with an ensemble rendition of the country tune made famous in the 1980 Dolly Parton flick of the same name.

Parton, who wrote the music and lyrics for the musical adaptation of the film, narrates the play.

Channeling her inner Dolly, Kassay saunters on stage as Doralee and belts out her first line. Did I mention her mic wasn’t on until three seconds in? We wouldn’t blame her if she’s thinking “You had ONE job!”

If it seems I’m harping on that technical gaffe a bit much, you should know that a friend of mine who saw an earlier performance of the show recounted the same problem happening to a different actor at the start of her show.

In addition to the mic glitch, the background music blared too loud in parts and the sound quality of the show in general could be improved.

Short story: These stars deserve better.

Kassay embodies big-time Texas charm as Doralee, and Denae wows as Judy (played by Jane Fonda in the film). Denae, who has played Fantine in a production of Les Miserables elsewhere, can expect the comparisons to Anne Hathaway in terms of looks and voice to keep coming.

It’s Denae’s Judy who leads us through this musical adaptation of the comedy about sexist workplace culture set in the late ‘70s. It’s her first day at her first job ever after her cheating husband left her for his secretary. Judy bursts into …   More


After months of planning, solving of logistical conundrums, and calling on many, many favors, Folio Weekly is prepared to bring you a festival featuring music, art, comedy, and beer like no other. In preparation for this event under the Fuller Warren Bridge in Riverside, not only did we work hard to earn buy-in from the local arts community, more importantly (for any festival, really), we came up with an epic name for our event. Unfortunately, having a pun game that is so ridiculously #onfleek has its dark side. On Friday, Folio Weekly was contacted by folks representing a much larger, much more capitalized festival that takes place in a rural southern location which also features music, art, and comedy and, interestingly enough, happens to have a name that rhymes with the name we chose for our festival.

Huh. Who would’ve thought?

So, just the way Peyton Manning showed us during all those years assaulting our hometown Jags, we’re calling an audible at the line of scrimmage. In order to avoid confusing attendees we've come up with a new name for our event:

Our festival will be known henceforth as FolioFest (alliteration game #onfleek).

FolioFest is still taking place on Sunday, Sept. 27 under the Fuller Warren Bridge. FolioFest will have music from big time local acts LPT, Fjord Explorer, The Daygos, and Tomboi. It will still feature live painting from Shaun Thurston and performance art by Liz Gibson. You can still buy tickets to drink more than 60 different craft beers. And most importantly, it will still be free to attend.

Furthermore, it’s Best of Jax Week! On Wednesday, Sept. 23 we released part I of our annual readers’ poll – which is essentially an uninhibited Public Display of Affection for Northeast Florida. FolioFest will be a celebration of all our readers and the winners they voted the “Best of Jax”.

See you there,

Matthew B. Shaw


Get your tickets here: FolioFest