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This is Not a DRILL

Y’all know that we like a good joke more than any other news outlet. But Hurricane Matthew ain’t no laughing matter. If you’re in a mandatory evacuation zone, get your essentials and head the hell out before it’s too late.

And by essentials we’re not talking about mood-altering substances. (But we’re betting many of you already stocked up on liquor, cigs and that the region’s drug dealers have been busy.)

Actual essentials include important papers, identification, pets, food & water for pets, vital medicine, non-perishable food, drinking water (one gallon/day/person), flashlights, batteries, rain gear, a first aid kit, hand crank radio, multi-purpose tool, cash, a full tank of gas (though this late in the game you probably won’t find much gas or stations that are open), cell phone, chargers, maps, and phone numbers for friends and family.

According to the TU, as of this afternoon, officials estimate only 30 percent of the beaches’ residents have evacuated. This is not the time to play like you're hard, people. You could be killed. This storm has already taken over 100 lives. Grab your shit and go while you can. Plus, they’re shutting off water and sewer service east of the intercoastal beginning at 8 p.m. and alcohol sales at 6 p.m. So if you’re sitting at the bar with your thumb up your ass, pay your tab and find a shelter.


For a comprehensive list of important phone numbers and links for the region, including emergency shelters, first responders, etc., click here. 

Stay safe, y'all. #KeepCalmAndEvacuateOn



Send Hurricane Matthew photos and stories to, tag us on social media at Twitter/FolioWeekly,, and 


Is that You, PENNYWISE?

Add Nassau County to a growing list of communities around the state and the nation that have reported disturbing encounters with people dressed as clowns.

According to the sheriff’s office, a series of recent cases include reports of clowns peeping in windows, lurking in yards, and chasing teenagers by car. A clown sighting was reported “near the band room” last month at Hilliard Middle-Senior High School around noon, said authorities.

Over the last three weeks, authorities said creepy clown sightings have been reported in Hilliard, Callahan and, late last week, on the east side of the county north of S.R. 200/A1A, about two miles west of the Shave Bridge that leads to Amelia Island. Such sightings have also been reported in Pasco County and as far away as Massachusetts, according to reports.

The first incident in Nassau was reported on Sept. 10 when a Hilliard woman reported that her boyfriend’s daughter and a friend were chased around 1 a.m. by the driver of a blue car, dressed in an orange wig and a shirt covered in multicolored polka dots, along Henry Smith Road.

On Sept. 14, the principal of Hilliard Middle-Senior High School reported a clown on campus near the band room after a parent reported seeing “someone in a clown outfit” several minutes earlier near the county library and skate park. Twenty minutes later, said authorities, the “clown” was spotted in the line of trees across C.R. 108.

On Sept. 17, authorities said that a Hilliard mother residing on the 28000 block of Sandstone Lane reported seeing a person in a clown mask watching her through a window around 8 p.m. while she gave her child a bath.

On Sept. 28, a Callahan woman reported around 10:30 p.m. a bang on her trailer and spotted from the window a person, wearing an orange-and-yellow mask, that looked like a clown. Earlier, around 9:45 p.m., authorities said that someone reported a clown sighting on the side of the roadway, …   More

Giant Stumps for CLINTON


In the mid-afternoon lull on Sept. 29, as people lounged and chatted between classes on the sun-washed green at the University of North Florida, a tight knot of students, faculty, spectators and media waited anxiously for a hero to arrive.

A ripple of anticipation passed through the crowd the moment he stepped into view 100 yards away, casually ambling towards them with perfect ease, smiling all the way.

A seven foot tall hulk of a man, former NBA center Jason Collins is not merely physical large, he is a huge symbol of bravery and hope for millions. In 2014, Collins became the first openly gay person to play in the NBA. 

He is a living, breathing hero for LGBT rights and equality.

“My life is exponentially better since coming out,” Collins told the rapt crowd, many of whom are LGBT like him. Collins’ story of fighting his truth, trying to fit in, to be the straight man he thought he was supposed to be before coming out to himself and his family at 33, the world shortly thereafter, resonated. In so many ways, his story is their story.

And for many, so is his political message: Collins has been on a whirlwind tour of Florida urging people to register to vote and campaigning for Hillary Clinton. He’s of the mind that a vote for Clinton is a vote for equality, a vote for acceptance, a vote for the future of a country that is already great – but could easily turn back the clock of inclusion on November 8.

After he spoke to the crowd, Folio Weekly Magazine had the honor of sitting down with the champion.

Collins explained that he isn’t merely stumping for Clinton the politician, he’s putting himself out there for Hillary the person. A classmate of Chelsea Clinton’s at Stanford University, Collins has known the Clintons for almost 20 years. Bill and Hillary came to his graduation party; his sister-in-law was a bridesmaid in Chelsea Clinton’s wedding and she in …   More

Star Emily Auwaerter CHARMS AUDIENCES in ‘Pride & Prejudice’

Days before scoring two Best of Jax awards in this esteemed publication, Theatre Jacksonville strutted its stuff again, staging Pride & Prejudice at a breakneck pace.

At the outset, TJ Executive Director Sarah Boone assured the audience that this Pride & Prejudice would be comprehensive, and director Amy Canning’s edition lives up to the promise.

Star Emily Auwaerter — as Elizabeth “Lizzy” Bennet — charmed this San Marco audience, displaying a graceful presence on stage with unmistakable wit. Those who’ve seen her as part of the Swamp Radio troupe will enjoy seeing her in this dynamic starring role. 

And though audiences will certainly love Elizabeth from the start, they'll learn to love Darcy by the end, which is as it should be. Auwaerter’s chemistry with Jay Bilderback’s Darcy proves a decided strength here.

Vanessa Warner (as Mrs. Bennet) and Neal Thorburn as a goose-stepping Mr. Collins steal scenes, drawing laughs while keeping the frenetic pace light.

Playing the younger Bennet sisters, Melanie Rodriquez, Taylor Kearschner and Kristen Walsh also deliver their proper silliness, offering a strong counterpoint to the more serious plot strands of the love and pressure to marry.

Considering the challenges of Jon Jory’s speedy adaptation, which leaves very little on the cutting room floor, most audiences will rave about this talented cast and crew.

The play’s pace did cause the actors to trip over a few lines during this opening weekend performance, but they recovered well.  

Richard DeSpain’s Mr. Bennet delivered some of the play’s best lines as the witty counter to Warner’s high-strung and hilarious Mrs. Bennet. Jonathon Yates squeezed more of the lying manipulator than the charmer out of his Mr. Wickham.

The costumes are stellar with those empire-waist dresses putting you right in the 1813 setting.

Those who know the book …   More

Presidential Debate DRINKING GAME

Boy, oh boy, the moment we’ve been waiting for is almost here: the first presidential debate starring She Who Shall Not Admit a Lie versus He Who Shall Never Apologize! Don’t know about you, but we’re positively tingling in anticipation.

Because there ain’t no party like a blackout party, we’ve created this guzzle-the-national-shame game for you to beat a hasty descent to the candidates’ levels.


1.   If Donald Trump wears a red tie, take a shot of tequila and prune juice (also known as immigrants’ tears)

2.   If Hillary Clinton wears a blue dress, light a cigar and take a Blow Job shot (Bailey’s, Kahlua and whipped cream)

3.   If Bill Clinton is in the audience, light a joint

4.   If Gennifer Flowers is in the audience, take a Buttery Nipple shot (layered butterscotch schnapps and Bailey’s)

5.   If Melania Trump is in the audience, take a Liquid Viagra shot (Red Bull and Jägermeister)


1.   Every time Trump – DT if you’re nasty – says, “Make America great again,” take two swigs of beer, preferably Budweiser America

2.   Every time Clinton says “our children,” take one shot of bubblegum flavored vodka mixed with grape Kool-Aid

3.   If Trump says “wonderful people,” take three swigs of beer, preferably People’s Pale Ale

4.   If Clinton apologizes for calling Trump’s supporters deplorables, drink half a glass of chardonnay with a dash of bitters

5.   If Trump doubles (or is it quintuples?) down on building a wall between the U.S. and Mexico, take a shot of Mezcal. If Trump says he’s going to get Mexico to pay for the wall, eat the worm

6.   Every time Clinton rolls her eyes at something Trump says, take a bong hit and hold it as long as you …   More


Right now, the Duval County School Board is frantically backpedaling and tap dancing away from the to-fire-or-not-to-fire Superintendent Nikolai Vitti mess.

See, last Saturday board member Scott Shine sent an email to the press that claimed board chairperson Ashley Smith Juarez intended to call a vote to fire Vitti at the meeting taking place right now. Subsequently, Smith Juarez sent her own open letter to media in which she admitted to ever-so-politely suggesting Vitti take his talents elsewhere.

Then, when civic leaders and the business community circled the wagons round their boy Vitti, Smith Juarez backed away slowly with her eyes lowered like a hiker who's just startled a very rich, very powerful group of bears.

So Folio Weekly thought we’d help them out by coming up with some new slogans guaranteed to distract and enthrall the electorate – though we’ll admit these probably won’t keep some members of the board from getting soiled in the shitstorm.

8 New Slogans for the Duval County School Board

1.  Puts the ‘dys’ in dysfunctional

2.  Solve complex national issues centuries in the making in 3 years OR ELSE

3.  You’re fired

4.  Proud graduates of the Scarlett O’Hara/Rhett Butler Charm School for Belles and Beaus – and you better be too

5.  If we wanted to know what you thought, we’d tell you

6.  Real Politicians in Training

7.  Cause Chartrand Says

8.  Just say 'no' to Sunshine   More


Fernandina Beach Mayor Johnny Miller, who is running for election to the city commission, which he previously served on before becoming mayor, bounced a $120 check from his campaign account to cover an election fee, according to finance records released by the city. While Miller was expected to have the money in the bank by the Aug. 5 qualifying deadline, the check was declined Aug. 18. The city clerk said Sept. 13 that Miller is allowed to stay in the race under a state statute dealing with candidates in nonpartisan elections that have checks returned for “any reason.”

The situation came to light Sept. 13 after Miller’s August campaign treasurer’s report was posted on the Nassau County Supervisor of Elections website with a $36 return check fee and a cashier’s check for $127.

According to Clerk Caroline Best, the state provides candidates another opportunity to pay the fee but there are conditions: the candidate must pay the fee with a cashier’s check within 48 hours of notification (excluding weekends and holidays). Best said she alerted Miller and his campaign treasurer – his wife Lori Miller – “immediately” to let them know the check had been declined and the clock was ticking. Best said that Miller’s wife banked the cashier’s check on Aug. 22 under the 48-hour deadline and that “all is well.”

Miller, a popular mayor who works as a bartender at the Palace Saloon in downtown Fernandina Beach, did not respond to a phone request for comment but his election opponent Eric Childers, a former city commissioner, did. In a series of phone interviews this week, Childers said he believes Miller acted in “good faith” but should be disqualified. Childers questioned the application of statute 105.031 (5)(a)(1) cited by the city and asked the Department of Elections on Thursday for a written decision. To Childers, the statute applies only to judicial candidates and …   More

Waller and McCloskey ROCK "MERRILY" at ABET

Shortly after the open, Katie Swider McCloskey — as the alcoholic Mary Flynn — deadpans, ”The plot thins.”

Huge laughs follow as her increasingly caustic jabs rip at the center of her orbit, Frank Shepard (Daniel Austin). But it’s the simplicity in staging, not plot, that truly allows Merrily We Roll Along to hit nearly all the right notes. 

This Atlantic Beach Experimental Theatre production continues with six more performances through September 25 at the Adele Grage Cultural Center after two opening sellouts last week.

When director Lee Hamby saw a stripped-down version of Merrily that drew raves in London, he realized that the musical, best-known as a Broadway flop, could be a hit on a small stage.

The original Broadway edition in 1981 holds an infamous place in theatre history, losing its original leading man, being postponed twice and running for only 16 performances. It also marked the end of Stephen Sondheim and Harold Prince’s collaborations for more than two decades, until 2003.

Some of the challenges remain, with a story told in reverse, and a bittersweet tale of theatre sellouts unraveling themselves into optimistic go-getters of 1957. 

But the small-stage intimacy of ABET with an extreme focus on storytelling allows the musical to strike deeper, even with some rough edges.

Merrily We Roll Along does indeed open at the close. 

We quickly discover that Frank, Mary and Charley Kringas (Josh Waller) were once the three best friends that anyone could have, but now they’ve gone their separate ways. One mention of Charley, and a drunk Mary who has flown in from New York City for this 1976 Bel Air party chastises, “Don’t you know that in this joint you must never, ever mention the name Charley Kringas.” 

We learn quickly that Mary is still in love with Frank after all these years. But it’s the intrigue over what happened on a TV set back in ‘73 …   More

12 Times We Couldn't Tell if Lenny Curry was a Mayor, Coach or Gladiator on Twitter

If you follow the Northeast Florida Twits as closely as we do, you know that Jacksonville mayor Lenny Curry is one active mofo on social media. An early adopter, to date the crown prince of pension taxes has Tweeted over 12,000 times since 2009. That's more than us. For realz.

Recently, we took a deep dive into Curry's Twitter feed, and we've gotta say, he's one cheesy fellow. We also noted the mayor's ongoing lovefest with sports radio personalities and a certain news channel that rhymes with 'traction shoes hacks.' We couldn't help but note that Curry, um, really likes grinding, almost as much as he digs the arena. But he loves nothing more than fist bumps. He loves them so much, he even fist bumps himself (but only when he's feeling froggy).

As we delved ever deeper into the fondue pot of the Curry Twitter feed, one burning question presented itself: Is Lenny Curry man, mayor, or some kind of gladiator/coach? 

You be the judge:



















































Ooh, sick burn from …   More

Ken Adkins May be More of a Scumbag Than We Thought

Earlier today, political consultant, pastor and anti-HRO crusader, Kenneth Adkins, was arrested on charges of child molestation and aggravated child molestation in Glynn County, Georgia.

For many, particularly those within the LGBTQ community and their allies, these charges are particularly galling because Adkins has been a complete and total prick concerning issues of equality for members of their community.

In June, Folio Weekly Magazine broke the news that Adkins had Tweeted out heinous statements about LGBTQ people in the immediate aftermath of the shooting at Pulse Orlando, which claimed 49 victims.

But that wasn't the first time Adkins earned our ire; last December, he gave us plenty of reasons to hate him while serving as a panelist on one of Mayor Lenny Curry's community conversations about the HRO. As the HRO debate dominated local conversation in the months to follow, Adkins continued adding to his reputation for being widely reviled by circulating pornographic memes of City Councilman Tommy Hazouri.

Before the council could vote on expanding the city's human rights ordinance to protect people from discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation, gender identity or expression, Hazouri voluntarily withdrew the bill.

Since then Adkins has vowed to never again get involved with the HRO debate, complained about how he has been treated by the LGBTQ community and gotten in trouble for blatantly inventing an endorsement of one of the candidates who had previously hired him.

None of that was enough to keep political candidates in Duval County from hiring Adkins, however.

His arrest today has potentially (some would say finally) ended Adkins' career as a political consultant.

The charges allege that Adkins molested a boy under the age of 16 on several occasions in 2010.

Georgia Code Title 16, Section 16-6-4 (c) states, "A person commits the offense of aggravated child molestation when such person commits an offense …   More