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FOLIO DIGITAL

HOMOGENIZATION NATION

Either Folio Weekly is experiencing “the change” or it’s getting hot, hot, hot in the Bold City! In less than two weeks, Jacksonville has been graced with the presence of not one, but two, Republican presidential candidates. On Saturday, Oct. 24, Donald J. Trump descended, Voldemort-like, on a moist crowd at The Landing; on Monday, Nov. 2, John Ellis “Jeb”/“don’t-call-me-Dubya’s-mini-me” Bush slithered in and out of the air-conditioned enclave of Kaman Aerospace on the Northside.

It’s often said that like begets like, but the Grand Ol’ Party could not have spawned two more outwardly different candidates. From skin tone – Trump’s tangerine-tinted mug is the envy of Oompa Loompas everywhere, while Jeb! rocks a lighter shade of pale that is all the rage among WASPs – to speaking style – Trump blathers on in semi-coherent gotcha phrases guaranteed to whip his mouth-breathing supporters into a lather while Jeb! speaks in complete sentences that neither escalate nor diminish in pitch regardless of what he’s talking about; their personality brands could not be more different.

Make no mistake, fair voters — for politicians, personality is a brand. And the more powerful the politician, the more manufactured the personality. Which means presidential candidates’ public personas are about as authentic as a Doritos marketing campaign. In spite of both campaigns’ efforts to show how unequivocally different Bushx3 and Trump-a-brain-dump are, they are actually as similar as anyone paying attention would expect. Before you recoil in horror, “But, FW, they seem so different on the news!” let’s peel this onion, shall we? Here is some pre-masticated food for thought:

1. Box Checking. Both Trump and Bush are white, male, Christian American Baby Boomers from exceptionally privileged families who have spawned multiple children and have an …   More

FOLIO DIGITAL

The Power Meter

POWER DOWN: FORMER MAYOR ALVIN BROWN

Being an ex-mayor ain’t quite as glamorous as being an ex-President. Former Mayor Alvin Brown is being scrutinized for a highly unusual move in which he apparently skirted protocol, signing off on no interest loans for Global Ministries – the “non-profit” group coming under fire for the poor living conditions in their federally subsidized housing complexes in Atlanta, Orlando, Memphis and elsewhere – to purchase Eureka Gardens on Jacksonville’s Westside. According to WJCT, Mark Hendrickson, the financial adviser for the Jacksonville Housing Finance Authority, Brown was advised not to approve the purchase.

NEXT: REBEL REBEL >>>   More

Folio Digital

YOUR MORRIS COMPASS

Morris Communications – owners of a diversified group of publications including daily newspapers The Augusta Chronicle, The St. Augustine Record, and The Florida Times-Union – is coming under fire for what a staffer at one of their dailies allegedly called a “xenophic editorial position” that “was mandated to run in Morris Communications newspapers across the chain.”

On his website, media critic Jim Romenesko posted an email allegedly provided by the staffer on Thursday, October 14. The email is credited to Robert Gilbert, vice president of audience at Morris Publishing Group/Morris Communications, to editors at all twelve MPG media outlets, and says the following (no emphasis added):

"Mr. Morris asks that each MPG newspaper run the attached editorial on American responsibility toward Mideast migrants/refugees. You should run it as your own editorial (not a column or op-ed), or produce your own editorial BUT MAINTAINING THE SAME POSITION. The editorial is for immediate release."

The Augusta Chronicle, ran an editorial on September 22, 2015 credited to the publication's editorial staff, which states the following:

"The Obama administration's plan to admit 85,000 refugees during the next year, and nearly 100,000 in 2017, is a self-destructive act born of dangerously deluded notions of compassion."

The editorial also notes that since the Syrian civil war broke out in 2011, the U.S. has given the country $4 billion in aid, the most of any nation, and goes on to warn that refugees may be terrorists.

Three days later, on September 25, The Florida Times-Union, published an editorial credited to its editorial staff, which states the following:

"The Obama administration needs to resist its well-meaning but misguided and potentially dangerous attempt to speed up admittance of Syrian refugees. There are too many possibilities that even a few of these …   More

FOLIO DIGITAL

7 Things that are More Useless than the Skyway

Twenty-six years after its opening, the Skyway still doesn’t give most Jacksonvillians a reason to take the pulse-pounding, 2.5-mile ride, which one infrequent rider describes as “like a kiddie ride at Disneyland, except it smells like piss.”

No matter your opinion of the decades-old, semi-abandoned public transportation system that streaks across the river like a crumbling concrete caterpillar, there’s no denying that the Skyway has yet to fulfill its designated purpose: getting people to ride the slow-moving yet somehow terrifying passenger compartments across the St. Johns. But the view is nice.

Tellingly, not even Downtown’s lumbering evolution from an abandoned dystopia to a less-abandoned dystopia (or the fact that it’s free to ride) have had much of an impact on Skyway ridership. (And that’s counting the homeless.) Only One Spark, may she rest in peace (?), was able to accomplish that sick feat. All of this stems from the facts that the vast majority of us do not live along Skyway’s route and Downtown is flush with parking spaces, no matter what the pseudo-suburbanites who seldom leave the Southside say.

To be fair, one rare employed, regular Skyway rider resents the foregoing description, saying somewhat ironically, “For people like me and Lenny Curry, who live in San Marco and work Downtown, the Skyway is great.”

While we’re super sure that’s true – super-duper sure – here are some things that are more useless than even the Skyway:

1. Tim Tebow’s Throwing Arm

Sorry, Gator Nation. The Tebow’s goose is cooked. He’s super-cute on TV, though! And we hear his restaurant … serves food.

2. The Spines of (Most) Local Democratic Leaders

It could be scoliosis or it could just be the party bending over and taking it again and again and again and … you get the point.

3. Donald Trump’s Media Consultant

Unless an …   More

FOLIO DIGITAL

The Power Meter

POWER DOWN: DEATH PENALTY FOR FLORIDA MAN

The U.S. Supreme Court will hear arguments this week that could reshape the way defendants are sentenced to death. Currently, juries act as merely an advisory board to judges who decide whether or not to issue the death penalty. The lawyers for a Pensacola man who was convicted of murder and sentenced to death by a judge, after a jury ruled 7-5 in favor of execution, are challenging the state’s procedures, which may inevitably do away with the death penalty in Florida and cement FLORIDA MAN’S immortality. Former State Attorney Harry Shorstein, in an effort to save the time-honored execution tradition, is currently trying to push legislation through that requires a majority vote for death penalty sentences.

NEXT: YOU’RE TERMINATED >>>   More

EAR WORM

A LITTLE BEST-OF-LATE-EIGHTIES-EARLY-NINETIES MONDAY RAWKAGE!!!!

 

LUNACHICKS

MUDHONEY

CHEATER SLICKS

KILLDOZER

PUSSY GALORE

    More

FOLIO DIGITAL

Six Ways to Keep the Baby Pimp Hand Strong

Another day, another resignation demanded by our illustrious mayor, “Baby Pimp” Lenny Curry (don’t blame us for the nickname, blame the ‘Comments’ section of Jacksonville.com). Seems like just last week we were lamenting Baby Pimp’s sudden, frequent urge to consolidate power on the Planning Commission by demanding resignations from three of its nine members. Today it’s JEA, tomorrow, utter world domination!

Fun fact: Given that two other Planning Commissioners’ terms expired on Sept. 30, had all three caved to le Infant Pimpous’ demands, the mayor would have appointed — and still may, if City Council purges Lisa King and Joey McKinnon — a quorum of the Planning Commission.

Funner fact: A source (seemingly) intimately familiar with the mayor says the remaining four commissioners are in the political safe zone for being “willing to play ball” … Baby Pimp ball. (Read: Play with whatever balls the mayor throws them in whatever fashion the mayor tells them.)

But what could possibly be wrong with a first-term politician controlling the Planning Commission, JEA, Jacksonville Aviation Authority, Jacksonville Transportation Authority, Downtown Investment Authority, City Council, Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office, the school board, the sun, the sea and the sky? He’s got to keep the pimp hand strong, are we right? And we did elect him, didn’t we? By a landslide margin of 5,273, no less!

That Curry convinced a staggering 0.63 percent more of the city’s population that he’d make a less-bad mayor than Alvin “don’t call me a Republican, I’m just fiscally conservative and socially conservative and pro-business and weak on environmental issues” Brown, is reason enough to give the new mayor carte blanche.

Here’s a short list of other power brokers who don’t share the mayor’s glorious vision and therefore shall …   More

EAR WORM

In honor of the fall season, we offer you The Fall.

REBELLIOUS JUKEBOX

PROLE ART THREAT

I AM DAMO SUZUKI

THE CLASSICAL

WINGS

  More

Folio Digital

THE KIDS ARE ALRIGHT

Folio Weekly’s hip. We’re with it. We know all the cool shit: hashtags, selfies, cuss words, ironic Donald Trump hats, fanny packs, monocles, embedded links, (admittedly, we may be ahead of the curve on the monocles and fannie pacs).

Though we know the trends, and our slang may be #onfleek, we can’t pretend to know the inner-workings of the minds of those with whom the media seems to be the most obsessed: The Millennials.

In an effort to do just that -- and encourage the curiousity of some talented, young writers (hey, we care) -- over the course of the next few weeks, Folio Weekly will be turning over the keys to our Twitter (it’s the social media version of a 1992 Buick) to some promising University of North Florida journalism students.

With election season heating up, a Human Rights Ordninance looming locally, and controversy over firearms on campus weighing heavy on the hearts of many across the nation, these young journos will be live-tweeting from some of the most important events of the fall. They’ll be sharing their perspective in effort to engage Folio Weekly’s readership/followers. So, follow us on Twitter (twitter.com/folioweekly if you ain’t hip to embedded links) to see what they’re up to. Ask them questions, challenge their views, share your perspective, feed off their youthful energy, take note of their grasp of current hashtagging techniques, but, please, keep it civil.

Matthew B. Shaw

Editor

 

Use the list below to stay up to date on where they’ll be next.

-Oct. 3 – River City Pride Parade and block Party (starting at 1 p.m.)

-Oct. 12  - OneJax panel discussion. Civil Discourse on Gun Control 

-Oct. 13 – Jax For Bernie Democratic debate watch party at 1904 Music Hall 

-Oct. 13 – Democratic Presidential Debate watch party TBD 

-Oct. 20 – Beaches Democratic Club candidate supporters panel from the Neptune Beach …   More

EAR WORM

 

In celebration of Dr. John & The Nite Trippers performance at Ponte Vedra Concert Hall on Oct. 4, we are serving up five hits of his boss hoodoo.

 

 

"Glowin'"

"I Walk On Guilded Splinters"

"Right Place Wrong Time"

"Such a Night"

"Blow Wind Blow"

  More