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THE GREAT AMERICAN TRAILER PARK CHRISTMAS MUSICAL
Florida Selfies Wednesday, March 26
Spencer Toner, 79, was arrested for indecent exposure in a McDonald's parking lot in January in Bonita Springs, after a complainant said Toner was watching pornography on a laptop computer and masturbating (a downside of McDonald's early-on, …
FASHION FORWARD Wednesday, October 29
The Osiligi Maasai Warrior choir, from Kenya, in ornate, mystifying native costumes and uncalled-for headdresses, happened to be touring the U.K. this fall, coinciding with the recent Paris Fashion Week in which the most celebrated designers from the “developed” world exhibited their wares, which often seemed as excessive as the Maasais’.
At least we have Allen Hurns
BLOOD FOR BUTTERCUP Wednesday, October 29
In September, Dr. Sean Perry of the Marathon (Florida) Veterinary Hospital saved the life of Buttercup, an orange tabby who needed blood — by giving him a transfusion from a West Palm Beach dog blood bank. According to the U.S. National Library of Medicine, 62 cats have been known to receive such “xenotransfusions,” and cats are apparently the only animals (besides dogs) that can safely process dog blood.
ROUTINE CLAIMS Wednesday, October 29
When a van on official business for the city of St. Paul, Minnesota, accidentally hit Megan Campbell’s Nissan Pathfinder in August, Campbell, naturally, filed a claim against the city for the $1,900 damage — normally just a cost of business for a city and one of about 400 claims St. Paul has processed this year.
TAURUS: September 10-16 Wednesday, September 10
As far as I know, there’s been only one battleship in all of history named for a poet. A hundred years ago, the Italian navy manufactured a dreadnought with triple-gun turrets, calling it Dante Alighieri, after the medieval genius who wrote Divine Comedy.
SPOUSAL SUPPORT Wednesday, October 29
Pauline Chai and her estranged husband, Khoo Kay Peng (a Laura Ashley executive), are battling in a London courtroom in a very expensive divorce, with the current issue to determine whether the English judge has jurisdiction instead of courts in the couple’s native Malaysia.
GEMINI: September 10-16 Wednesday, September 10
If you go to a convenience store and order a Double Big Gulp drink, be prepared to absorb 40 teaspoons of sugar. What’s an even greater challenge to your body is the sheer amount of fluid you have to digest: 50 ounces. Fact is, your stomach can’t easily accommodate more than 32 ounces at a time.
CANCER: September 10-16 Wednesday, September 10
If you surrender to the passive part of your personality, you’ll be whipped around by mood swings in the days ahead. You’ll hem and haw, snivel and procrastinate, communicate ineptly, and be confused about what you really feel.
 
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