WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE THE NEXT FLORIDA GATORS HEAD FOOTBALL COACH?

A disheartened University of Florida fan, appearently unhappy by the Gators’, shall we say, lackluster performance these last two years under Will Muschamp, has posted an ad on the Gainesville Craigslist looking for new head football coach candidates, and inviting serious prospects to contact Athletic Director Jeremy Fowler immediately. 

If you would like to be considered, according to the ad, you should meet the following qualifications: 

- Because UF is a DESTINATION coaching job, applicants must have ALREADY had head coaching experience. This is not a stepping stone job offering OJT or otherwise prepares you for another position in the NFL or other university in the future. If hired, you must be previously groomed to 1) Win consistently, 2) Stay for more than 4 seasons, and 3) have composure when roaming the sidelines. Composure includes but is not limited to 1) not screaming at players & referees regularly, 2) resisting facial expressions suggesting you …More

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T.I CAN HAVE WHATEVER HE LIKES

Among his CEO duties helming self-started Grand Hustle Records, rubbing elbows with the likes of Denzel Washington and Russell Crowe in Hollywood films, and serving two stints in county clinks, it’s undeniably impressive that Atlanta-based rapper T.I. (pictured) has found time to write and release eight studio albums, nearly all to chart-topping reception. The three-time Grammy-winning rubberband man brings his brand of hip-hop street cred to Jacksonville’s Aqua Nightclub. Say what you will about one-dimensional songwriting, objectification of women and migraine-inducing grammar – this man knows how to top charts and fill clubs.

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GRUNGE GODS HELMET ROCK HARD

MAMA Q’S MASTERS THE ART OF THE UNUSUAL

Ever wished your pizza was topped with mashed potatoes? Yeah, me either — until I sat down and indulged in a few slices of the mashed potato pie ($10-18, depending on size) at Mama Q's. Hooked.

With only four tables, Mama Q's is best suited for takeout or delivery, but it certainly delivers (pun intended) big flavor regardless what pie you pick. On the four I shared, I found the crust to be perfect — neither too dense nor soggy, despite the multitude of unique topping offerings, and still crisp on the edges.

No skimping on the toppings either, as they are weighed to achieve a consistent pie every time. And the bacon, which comes on many of the specialty pies, is also perfectly crispy and not too fatty — kudos to Mama!

If you're craving a pre-meal snack, go for the pepperoni-stuffed bread ($7), three-cheese bread ($7), garlic knots ($5) or wings ($9). Lunch or dinner will be out shortly, as pizzas only take about six minutes to cook, at 476 degrees, after …More

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Not Feeling It

Q: Touch screen phones don't work very well for me. When I touch the screen of a smartphone it often doesn't recognize that I've touched it. The strange thing is my mom has the same problem with touchscreens. We've always figured it had something to do with our circulation or something, but neither of us has cold or clammy hands. So my question is two part. First, what's up with that? Why don't touch screens like me? And second, I'm getting to the point where I need to upgrade my old phone which has a fold-out keyboard. Can you recommend a new phone that has a keyboard?

A: That does seem kind of unusual. I did a little Googling though, and you're not alone in your complaint. Some people refer to it as 'zombie fingers'. But don't worry, you're probably not about to develop a taste for brains.

The first thing you need to know is that there are two types of touchscreens - resistive and capacitive. Resistive screens are pressure sensitive. They are composed of two layers, and when …More

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Go Big or Go Home?

Please Don't Stop The Music

Cleanin' Out My Closet

Wrap It Up

Christmas is next week; so is Kwanzaa. As a rule, I avoid participating in major holidays (I’m counting the days until National Grilled Cheese Day, though). But that doesn’t mean I don’t imagine the presents I would give. Here, then, are some gifts I would hand out to some well-known locals and businesses. I mean, it’s the thought that counts, right?

Mayor Alvin Brown: I can’t decide which he needs more, a thesaurus or a sense of humor

 

Mrs. Mayor Alvin Brown: what does one get an invisible woman?

 

Fred Durst: a trip in a time machine back to 1999 when anyone actually cared about Limp Bizkit

 

Blood Alliance: as much A-negative blood as they need so they can stop stalking me 

 

Capt. Sorensen of Firehouse Subs: a restraining order against me 

 

Public Defender Matt Shirk: a good divorce attorney, preferably one who has never worked at Whisky River and doesn't like to take showers

 

Jaguars QB Blaine Gabbert: a one-way …More

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Shopping Small = Bigger Impact

Be a Star

Thanks a Million

VICTORY IS OURS: WEEK 7, JAGS VS. BROWNS

On a clear day, you can see forever. And things like a “This Is Hoyer Country” banner, and a crowd full of more orange tops than a Road Crew convention. And so the question of the day was this: Could the Jaguars take back their house?

The first quarter offered some encouragement. The Jags defense got Brian Hoyer off the field before the Browns got to midfield. This week’s starting back, Denard Robinson, tore for 14 yards on an off-tackle rush on the Jags’ very first offensive play, the beginning of the best day by any Jags running back this year (62 first-quarter yards, 122 yards and a TD on the day).

The Jags kept eight in the box early, stalling Ben Tate and forcing the Browns into third-and-longs aplenty. Then the first Blake Bortles pick, returned into the Jags’ red zone. The defense, tougher with each passing week, especially the front seven, held them to three downs and a field goal.

Early in the second quarter, all looked swell (except for …More

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ONE SPARK 101

The city will soon ignite again. Many remember last April, the inaugural One Spark festival, when downtown was transformed into a creator’s utopia.

One Spark is a five-day, crowd-funded festival that serves as a platform for creators to exhibit their ideas. The projects will be exposed to more than 100,000 people with the idea of connecting creators to the resources they need to make their ideas a reality.

People will display projects from the five categories: art, music, science, technology and newly added, innovation. They will have the chance to win from $310,000 of crowd funds and awards.

Last year the top winner was Rethreaded, a creative company with the mission to break the cycle of the sex trade. The project brought home more than $6,000 in crowd-funds.

The founder of Rethreaded, Kristen Keen, said that One Spark was a game changer and not only because of the winnings.

“It put us on the map,” Keen said, ”most people in Jacksonville heard …More

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CONNECTING JACKSONVILLE

STAYING ON GUARD

STAYING POSITIVE

Tricky Bullets

T ricky bullets beget tricky problems, death-wise, legal-wise and otherwise. The yearly appearance of ammunition new and strange reminds me of the kaleidoscopically colorful fishing lures that change constantly on the merchandise hooks at Walmart. They're designed to catch anglers, not fish.

The new bullet on the block this year is a dazzler. The Multiple Impact™ Bullet (MI™ Bullet) is made by Advanced Ballistic Concepts. When fired, the slug separates into three pieces tethered by cords. The array spins like a propeller and upon impact saws a salad-bowl-sized slice out of the bad guy.

The advertising emphasizes that, because of the array's 14-inch spread, even dithery amateurs (your name goes here) can't miss. The photos show targets zapped impressively at 25 feet. You might infer that, with such ammo, you can shoot attackers from farther away!

Dream on.

When you fire in self-defense, you have two problems: staying alive and staying out of prison. Behind the attacker …More

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Stand Your Wallet

Open Season

 
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