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CANCER: October 8-14 Wednesday, October 8
Three times a week, I hike along a rough path through an oak forest. It’s rough because it’s strewn with loose rocks. If I don’t watch the ground, I’m constantly turning my ankles. Or at least that was the case until last week. For two days, with the help of a rake, I cleared many of those bothersome obstacles off the trail.
GEMINI: October 8-14 Wednesday, October 8
Learn more in the next eight months than you’ve ever learned in a comparable period. Make a list of all the subjects you’d love to study and all the skills you’d love to master, then devise a plan to gather the educational experiences with which you reinvent yourself. Turn your curiosity on full-blast and go in quest of revelations, insights and epiphanies, smashing through limits of understanding as you explore frontiers of sweet knowledge.
TAURUS: October 8-14 Wednesday, October 8
In her poem Advice to Myself, Louise Erdrich speaks of the human heart as “that place you don’t even think of cleaning out. That closet stuffed with savage mementos.” Use her observations as a prod. Now’s an excellent time to purge savage mementos from your heart, and clean the whole place up. You don’t have to get all OCD about it. No need to scour and scrub until it’s spotless. Even a half-hearted effort will set promising transformations in motion.
ARIES: October 8-14 Wednesday, October 8
Situation No. 1: If you meet resistance or doubt, say: “Ha! This diversion can’t slow me down, because I am in possession of an invisible magical sword!” Then take a few charismatic swipes with your sword to show you mean business. Situation No. 2:
PISCES: October 1-7 Wednesday, October 1
Your oracle is built around epigrams of conceptual artist Jenny Holzer. From her hundreds of pithy quotes, here are six offering wisdom you need. Weave them into a symphonic whole. 1). “It’s crucial to have an active fantasy life.” 2). “Ensure your life stays in flux.” 3). “I have every kind of thought, and that is no embarrassment.” 4). “Animalism is perfectly healthy.” 5). “Finding extreme pleasure makes you a better person if you’re careful about what thrills you.” 6). “Listen when your body talks.”
CAPRICORN: October 1-7 Wednesday, October 1
Years ago, you experienced an event so overwhelming, you couldn’t fully deal, let alone understand. All this time, it’s been simmering and smoldering in the depths of your unconscious mind, emitting ghostly steam and smoke even as it’s remained difficult to integrate. That changes in the months ahead. You finally find a way to bring it to conscious awareness and explore with courage and grace.
AQUARIUS: October 1-7 Wednesday, October 1
It’s prime time to do things not exactly easy and relaxing, but not actually painful. Like: Extend peace offerings to adversaries. Seek reconciliation with valuable resources from which you’ve been separated and potential allies from whom you’ve become alienated.
SAGITTARIUS: October 1-7 Wednesday, October 1
Tomatoes are a staple of Italian cuisine now, but there weren’t any tomatoes in Europe until the 16th century, when Spanish explorers brought them from Central and South America. Likewise, Malaysia has become a major producer of rubber, but it had no rubber trees until seeds were smuggled out of Brazil in the 19th century.
SCORPIO: October 1-7 Wednesday, October 1
Dear So-Called Astrologer: Your horoscopes are worse than useless. Mostly they’re crammed with philosophical and poetic crap that doesn’t apply to my daily life. Please cut way back on the fancy metaphors. Just let me know if there’s money or love or trouble coming – like what regular horoscopes say! — Skeptical Scorpio.
LIBRA: October 1-7 Wednesday, October 1
When Jimmy Fallon was a high school senior, he got a weird graduation gift: a troll doll, one of those plastic figurines with frizzy, brightly colored hair. Around the same time, his mother urged him to enter an upcoming comedy contest at a nearby club. Jimmy thought it would be fun. He worked up a routine imitating various celebrities auditioning to become a spokesperson for troll dolls.
 
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