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GEMINI: Oct. 29-Nov. 4 Wednesday, October 29
In an episode of the animated sci-fi TV sitcom Futurama, Leela, the mutant spaceship captain, develops an odd boil on her hindquarters. It has a face and can sing. The actor who provides the vocals for the animated boil’s outpouring of song is Gemini comedian Craig Ferguson, whose main gig is serving as host of a late-night TV talk show on CBS. Telling you this tale is my way of suggesting that you consider going outside your usual niche, as Craig Ferguson did, to offer your talents in a different context.
CANCER: Oct. 29-Nov. 4 Wednesday, October 29
Native American hero Sitting Bull (1831-1890) was a renowned Lakota chief and holy man. He led his people in their resistance to the U.S. occupation of their land. How did he become so strong and wise? In large part through the efforts of his doting mother, whose name was Her-Holy-Door. Let’s install her as your exemplar for now.
ARIES: November 26-December Wednesday, November 26
What exactly do you believe in? What’s your philosophy of life? Do you think most people are basically good and you can have a meaningful life if you just work hard and act kind? Do you believe evil, shapeshifting, kitten-eating extraterrestrials have taken on human form and are impersonating political leaders who control our society?
TAURUS: November 26-December 2 Wednesday, November 26
I have two encyclopedias of dreams, and they disagree on the symbolic meaning of mud. One book says that when you dream of mud, you may be facing a murky moral dilemma in your waking life, or maybe you’re dealing with a messy temptation that threatens to compromise your integrity.
LEO: Oct. 29-Nov. 4 Wednesday, October 29
This is one of those rare times when it’s OK for you to just throw out the dirty dishes that you are too lazy to wash. It’s also permissible to hide from a difficult person, spend money on a supposedly foolish indulgence, binge-watch a TV show that provokes six months’ worth of emotions in a few hours, and lie in bed for an extra hour fantasizing about sex with a forbidden partner.
VIRGO: Oct. 29-Nov. 4 Wednesday, October 29
Our evolutionary ancestors Homo erectus loved to eat delicious antelope brains. The fossil evidence is all over their old stomping grounds in East Africa. Scientists say that this delicacy, so rich in nutrients, helped our forbears build bigger, stronger brains themselves. These days it’s harder but not impossible to make animal brains part of your diet.
GEMINI: November 26-December 2 Wednesday, November 26
Are there certain influences you’d love to bring into your life, but can’t figure out how? Do you fantasize about getting access to new resources that would make everything better, but they seem to be forever out of reach? If you answered “yes,” it’s time to stop moping. You have more power than usual to reel in those desirable influences and resources. To fully capitalize on this power, be confident that you can attract what you need.
LIBRA: Oct. 29-Nov. 4 Wednesday, October 29
“The egromenious hilarity of psychadisical melarmy, whether rooted in a lissome stretch or a lusty wobble, soon defisterates into crabolious stompability. So why not be graffenbent?” So said Noah’s ex-wife Joan of Arc in her interview with St. Crocodile magazine. Heed Joan’s advice, please, Libra.
CANCER: November 26-December 2 Wednesday, November 26
Should you cut back and retrench? Definitely. Should you lop off and bastardize? Definitely not. Do I recommend you spend time editing and purifying?
LEO: November 26-December 2 Wednesday, November 26
I know you’re beautiful; you know you’re beautiful. You could be even more beautiful. What do you think? Have you reached the limits? Or can you consider that there’s even more beauty dormant within you, ready to be groomed and expressed?
 
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