JAX BEER WEEK
Beer being proof that God loves us, Jax Beer Week is a hallowed and holy time, worthy of penitent reflection and staggering intoxication in search of life’s ultimate truth, which is surely located in a bountiful stream of hops and barley and water. (We’ll let you know when we find it.) Events continue daily with Northeast Florida breweries offering their newest creations. The Blind Fig and Engine 15 serve a beer dinner at 6 p.m. May 28. Brewer’s Pizza & Pinglehead pours a new featured beer each day: Green Room’s Thin Mint Stout on May 28, Intuition Ale Works’ Belgian Hoppy Blonde on May 29, Bold City’s Abbey’s Ale on May 30, Aardwolf’s Hop Pun on May 31. Intuition taps a special one-off daily. If you’re thirsty this week, you’re not really trying, are you? Check the Jax Beer Week website, as more events are expected to be added May 28-31, beerweekjax.com/calendar.
LEAVE YOUR TEETH ON THE RINK
Legendary newsman Ron Burgundy’s golden rule of combat – no touching the hair and face – doesn’t play in a sport that makes a hockey brawl look like two-hand touch. Don’t let blatantly funny alter-egos like Cruella Duval and Blueberry MILF’n mislead; these ladies are as serious as a dental reconstruction bill. Elbows, helmets and skate irons fly in roller derby, with a points system players and officials probably get, but you don’t, and that’s OK. The roller forces of Jacksonville – New Jax City Rollers women and Magic City Misfits men – face off for the first time. 6 p.m. May 31 at Skate Station Funworks, Mandarin, $10-$12.
BLAIR CRIMMINS & THE HOOKERS
Being nostalgic for an era you haven’t lived through is just one side effect of pop culture’s recycling trend. We are a people of reuse and repurpose, from parachute pants to Michael Jackson (man and hologram) to Ray-Bans, to just about any movie due out this summer. Blair Crimmins is one of those nostalgists. Using a combination of Ragtime, Dixieland and vaudeville sentiment, Crimmins & The Hookers recreate the wild abandon of the 1920s’ jazz scene. If you’ve ever seen The Great Gatsby (not read, because we’re leaving out the intellectual part), then you understand the level of reckless, depraved fun-having we’re talking about – a highball-guzzlin’ good time. 8 p.m. May 29 at Underbelly, Downtown, $5.
ERA OF GOOD FEELINGS
CATS ON WAX
Speaking of nostalgia, on one hand, the fact that the ’90s is teed up to become a thing again makes us feel really goddamned old. On the other, we came of age in this Era of Good Feelings, back when the world’s biggest problem was a presidential hummer, and, well, we kinda miss it. Which brings us to Cats on Wax, a less-groundbreaking-than-fun Tallahassee outfit that unabashedly delights in the uncomplicated 4/4 rhythms and distorted major power chords of the decade’s latter-half pop-punk scene – their bio says they aim to mirror “the same innocent joy and infectious obsession as Internet cat videos” — and gives us the warm fuzzies inside. With The Last Sons and more, 8 p.m. May 30 at Burro Bar, Downtown, $5.
Inspired by Captain Gerard Petroni, an Army and Navy veteran, husband and father who died after his second stroke, and created as a fitness event to raise awareness of healthful living, Never Quit has become the world’s largest beach run. Petroni’s son Erik (left) began spreading the message, speaking at local schools, but wanted to draw a larger audience. Now, that message reaches about 30,000 people a year as they gear up for Never Quit events, including the Warrior Challenge, a 5K run/walk, Battle for the Beach and a beach yoga session. If dripping in sweat isn’t your thing, check out the health expo and enjoy the live music. 10 a.m.-9 p.m. May 30, 7 a.m.-8 p.m. May 31 at SeaWalk Pavilion, Jax Beach, free.
Starry Nights returns to Metropolitan Park after a decade-long hiatus, pairing Chicago (the band, not the city, obvs) with the Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra. Chicago trumpet player Lee Loughnane, an original member, confirmed the band (pictured left) would play “Saturday in the Park” on a Saturday, in a park. So they’ve got that going for them. There’s order in the universe and refreshments in the back. The JSO performs with Chicago for Starry Nights, gates 6 p.m. May 31, then with Christopher Cross, gates 6 p.m. June 6, at Metropolitan Park, Downtown, $20-$85 for each concert.