LEO: July 9-15
The weeks before your birthday are often a good time to engage the services of an exorcist. No need to hire a pricey priest with dubious credentials; I offer my expert demon-banishing skills free. Let’s begin. I call on the spirits of smart heroes you love best to be here with us right now. With help from their inspirational power, I hereby dissolve any curse or spell ever placed on you, even if done inadvertently, even if you cast it. The holy laughter unleashed as I carry out this purification expunges useless feelings, delusional desires, bad ideas or irrelevant dreams you may have. Make it so! Amen and hallelujah!